MARISHGAHARGITAY...

Hello and welcome. Today is Tuesday. I just have to say that I love Monday nights... I have a date with the TV every Monday night. Its my night to check out and watch reality TV. First is John and Kate plus eight. I love that show, I really can't tell you why, maybe because they have eight kids and can survive so it gives me inspiration to go on as well. Then Intervention. Not a funny show by any means. Its real life though. Just watching those people have an addiction to something is so scary. I am glad I watch it, I have learned so much from it and feel like I can help my children understand things. Last is The Hills, Love Love Love that show... It gets me away from reality for a bit and puts the focus on someone else's drama. It makes me look at my life and think "ok mines not so bad, everyone has drama it all comes down to how you choose to deal with it". So those are my three weaknesses on Monday nights. I love to check out and veg in my room after the kids have been put down for the night.. This keeps me sane..

Tonight is Biggest Loser, I love that show as well, it gets me motivated to get up and workout. Its reality as well. I end up crying during every show, but I know I'm not alone my dearest friend Monica watches it as well.. So to know I'm not the only one watching it is GREAT!!!

Ok so you have just heard my "secret" weaknesses.

Hope you all have and have had a great TUESDAY...

BACK ON TRACK...

Hey Everyone.. Sorry I've been away for a few days, I've been having some me and my husband time. I want to blog about the new Twilight movie but know not everyone has seen it, so I'm waiting until everyone I know has seen it and then I'll blog about it.

This weekend was great. It was the UTES vs. BYU.. My husband was so ramped up for it.. He had his beer and his cow bell out and ready to partay!!! He loves the Utes.. Glad they won, its amazing they are 12-0!!!

We got our flooring done in the kitchen and some light fixtures up, all I need to do is put a little more finishing touches on the room and It will be as done as its going to get.. We started the process of our refinance.. God, if your listening please make this refinance possible for us so we may pay off all of our bills and consolidate everything into one monthly payment... I promise I will be a good monkey.. AMEN.. As you can tell I'm totally stressed about this refi, what if we don't get the house to appraise for what we need it to be? then what? We have gone majorly into debt to upgrade our kitchen to get more money out of this refi.. I am hoping it goes our way... Otherwise I will be going and getting a full time job to pay off the kitchen upgrade... Pray for us...
We won't know anything for a week or so... I'll keep everyone posted..

I went to the grocery store today ALONE WITH MY HUSBAND.. I know I know unheard of these days. We had a blast shopping for food without yelling at children. It was so stress free. I loved every moment of it. However I was very aware of what I bought and how healthy it was. I am trying my hardest to eat healthy, to cook every night at home, to portion our food. I am starting to go to the gym with my husband, just mommy and daddy time. I have found that trying to exercises at home is worthless and hopeless, so I need to displace myself from my house and go to the gym and workout.. I am selling my Gazelle if anyone is interested, and my punching bag and my boxing gloves.. They are so cool, I just never use them and hate to see them go to waste. If your interested let me know.. I am having my own personal biggest loser challenge, its taking place within ME...

It's Sunday night, the start of a new week.. Thanksgiving week.. LOVE LOVE LOVE TURKEY...

BECAUSE ITS ON MY MIND....

I know I have already posted a blog today, but I have something on my mind so I'm going to blog about it... I'm entitled to right? my blog, my words, my thoughts IT'S ALL ABOUT ME!!!! PAHAHAHA...

My dad taught me many things in life, and still teaches me things even as I'm an adult and he a senior citizen..(just kidding dad). He always told me when doing things for others don't expect anything in return, thats not what favors are for. You choose to do something nice for someone because you want to help them and you can help them. If you expect things in return then you will be let down. I agree, yet its soooo hard to do something nice for someone and get NOTHING in return not even a THANK YOU....

Yet you will find what type of people to do favors for, the ones who appreciate it... The people who can't necessarily pay you back but appreciate all of your help, by saying a simple "THANK YOU" or a hug, or an email saying how much they appreciate your help. A gesture to acknowledge your helping hand.

I do love helping people whenever I can. If I can't help I find a way for them to be helped. I am a giver, a helper, a pleaser just as my father is. You do have to be very careful who you choose to help for they may expect your help yet don't appreciate it. I have helped a fair share of people who have not appreciated my favors. And if they did appreciate it, well they have a crappy way of showing it. It hurts, digs and pulls at your heart strings...

So the next time someone does something nice for you, whether its financially, emotionally even physically. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE make it a point to thank them, to assure them you appreciate all their help, even if you can't pay them back, atleast let them know how much their help is appreciated... A SIMPLE THANK YOU GOES A LONG WAY.....

I feel so much better getting that off my chest, I will probably be able to go on with my day!!!!

Thank you for reading and good night...

SUCH A FUN WEEKEND....

Friday morning... I went to visit my primary care doctor... he's amazing, he listens to me.. .Thats different for me, he is the first doctor who has paid attention to my struggling back pain... he has tried me on different medications... They seem to be helping, but not as much as he would like.. So on friday I went in to talk about how I've been doing over the last month... I've been doing better, I feel like with the medication he has prescribed I can get up and get more accomplished before the medication wears off.. Once it wears off I'm back to square one for an hour or so... He changed my dosage on my medication, so I'm taking more of it... WOW it makes me feel weird... lightheaded and sweaty... He said to take it for a few weeks so my body will get used to it and then make a decision on whether to keep taking it or go back down to a smaller dose... I'll keep you posted... It takes the edge off my back pain but my head is in la la la land... I feel like a true ditz...

I am a lucky girl... I have amazing friends that I surround myself with. I take my friendships seriously, I care alot about the people in my life. I'm a pleaser, a giver. I will do anything in my power to help someone, I don't expect anything in returen except appreciation on their part.

I have this one friend inparticular, Monica. She is amazing, she is beautiful, fun loving, smart, strong, kind, a great mom and the most postive person I know. She has gone through hard times the past year yet she always picks herself up and keeps on going, I don't know where she finds all of her strength, but I can tell you it rubs off onto ME... I feel so positive when I'm around her, I have a better outlook on things after I have talked to her. She is a single mother of two amazing boys, she's a teacher and an IT specialist for the school. She runs all week long. I admire her so very much!! Anyways, she wanted to go out for drinks on Friday night and asked if I wanted to go with her. Ofcourse I do!!! she is so fun to hang out with. I invited my husband to go and a couple other people as well... We all decided to meet at my house and then carpool to the place where we were going... The only people to show up were Me, Monica and Jeremy. Small crowd... Oh well we were determined to make the best of it, we didn't want to sit home on a Friday night being losers... We went to a great place, Fiddlers Elbow in Surgarhouse, it was fun, a sports bar. It was full of dredlocked people PAHAHAHA. Our waiter was cute minus the dreds and beard. We had a wonderful time, we talked about EVERYTHING from childbirth to relationships. Monica asks the most amazing questions, she asked "tell me what you think your children will grow up to be?" It was funny to sit and discuss our thoughts and feelings about our kids. We talked about growing up in a small town. Monica asked Jeremy alot of questions about him, and Jeremy opened up to her in a way that I have never seen him do. It was truly heart warming. He has opened up to me ofcourse but not to anyone besides me. I know he likes Monica and truely trusts her enough to open up and spill is thoughts and feelings out on the table.. . It was such an intimate yet fun night.. We even stayed out past midnight... we are such the party animals...

Saturday was a nice down day... We spent it at home with the kids. Cleaned the house and watched a few movies. It was a nice family day. I had tickets to NKOTB but chose to give my ticket to my friend Amy, who went with Tiffany. I heard from multiple people that it was a great concert. I missed out totally. I will never buy tickets and then not go to the concert, that was stupid on my part... The person I gave my ticket to deserved to go out and have a great time. She is a wonderful friend and mother. She sent me a message the next day thanking me for the ticket, so that made me feel better knowing I gave it to someone who truely appreciated it. After all this time New Kids still rock!!!

Sunday Sunday SUNDAY... I went to book club. A month ago I started going to a book club that Monica and her sister started. AMAZING... All of the women are truely unique, I love that. I love diversity, I love change, I love bonding with a group of women who know who they are and where they stand in this world. I am one of the youngest women there, me and Juliana... I'm not used to being the youngest, I'm used to being right at the top, the oldest... Its not a bad thing its just different. Different conversations, different atmosphere, different views on life. I LOVE IT... I invited my sister Heather with me. She didn't have anything to do on Sunday so I asked if she wanted to go and s he did. I could tell she was nervous. Yet once everyone got there she fit right in. Her comments, her laughter, her views on our book that she hadn't read, were all great. Each woman brings something so different to the table. We can have great challenging conversations... I hope Heather has as much fun as everyone else did.. I hope she comes back next time... I look forward to book club every month... Love you book club friends...

I don't really have much planned for this week... no Dr. appointments... I am going to the Twilight movie!!!! My sister Danielle invited me and I"M SO THERE... Thursday at midnight... I'll give you all a review come Friday... I can't wait to see it... I've read the book and have fell in love with the story...

Happy Monday to you all...

CATCHING MY BREATH...

O-M-G... I have been sooo freakin busy lately, it seems like it never ends... From the time I get up in the morning til I lay my head down at night, I'm going and going. I'm getting closer to refinancing the house, we have put the final touches on the kitchen, so we are ready to begin.

Here is a summary of what I've been up to the past few days. Friday Nov 7 I had the opportunity to attend my sisters college graduation. YAY FOR HEATHER!!! Last year she changed directions in life, she went from a dead-end job to college. She quit her job to go to college full time. She pulled all of her time and resources together to make it through the rough year of full time college. She did great!!! Everyday she would put 110% into her school work, whether it would be a simple homework assignment to a big presentation. It was amazing to witness that each and everyday. She graduated and received her Medical Assistant diploma. Such a huge accomplishment, she graduated with highest honors. I am so very proud of her, she is wonderful in what she does, very knowledgeable and such a people person. She started her externship and within a week was hired on full time... WAY TO GO HEATHER... I love her.

Saturday November 8, It was like any other Saturday, got up and cleaned the house... I met my friend Chrissy at the salon so she could get her hair done. It turned out wonderful, very impressive and businesslike... We had a great time hanging out at the salon just talking and catching up on life. I love Chrissy, she is one of my very close friends, she is so loving and caring and kind... I love her and will always be there for her... Our hairstylist Danielle DeMarco, besides having an awesome last name she is brilliant at what she does. I recommend her to anyone, she works at Bella Mia Salon, she is wonder woman with hair....

After the salon, Heather, Aaron, Chrissy, Jer and I went up to Park City to attend Kari's wedding reception. We were honored to go up and visit with Kari and John. They make a great couple and are great friends. Though they live in New Jersey we still are close through facebook and myspace. It was wonderful of them to have a reception here in Utah... It made my evening... Good food, good friends and good fun... I know I sound like a TV announcer... Love the Kepplers...

Sunday, I did nothing, hung out at home with the family.. It was a down day for me, I felt a little sick. Well the sickness has stuck with me for Monday, Tuesday was Veterans day, I think I took one of our soldiers off guard. I called my friend Cole to wish him a happy day. Cole is also my ex-husband for those of you who don't know. We are better friends now than we ever were when we were together. I care alot about him, his wife and their cute kids... I love surprising people... To end my Tuesday we had a neighborhood watch meeting, the police officers didn't show up for the meeting, how nice is that?? Its their job!!! They are damn lucky we all care about our community, we stayed and had a meeting ourselves, luckily we had a speaker there to talk to us about drug abuse, prescription drug abuse, I learned so much and will bring that knowledge home to my kids and out to my friends... I feel sick again today, I have no idea what I have, but I'm freezing and achy... I just wish it would go away already...

I hope I haven't been to boning, just wanted to fill ya all in on my life the past few days... I have a Dr. appointment on Friday with the internal medicine doctor which is my primary care Dr. I hope its a good visit. We are discussing the medication he put me on and if its helping my chronic back pain... wish me luck... Hope everyone is having a great week as well..

I am almost done with book 3 of the Twilight series.. LOVE IT.. Love all of them so far.. I can't wait to see how the series ends... Is anyone else addicted to Twilight?? who has tickets for the movie coming out?

EMOTIONAL, WITH NO "TIME OF THE MONTH"

When I set this blog up, it was for family and friends to get a glimpse of what the Carter household is up to. For grandparents to have a sneak peak at what their children and grandchildren are doing. I also started this blog for ME. Something I can turn to whether it be the exciting celebrations we have as a family to a venting session for me. Something that is mine, that I can talk about. Well this is one of those posts that I need to vent, a release if you will...

My emotions have ran high the past few days!!! I feel like I could break down and cry in a moments notice... I feel like It's that time of the month... People, I don't have that time of the month anymore!!! No more do I have to bleed for seven days straight, no more do I have cramps and no more do I have to buy or wear those stupid woman diapers!!! That is what a hysterectomy does!!! So why is it that I am having EMOTIONAL PMS??? do your hormones still "think" your having a period?? I would much rather bleed for seven days then feel like this... I can't even have a "normal" conversation with my sister without feeling like the world is against me... like no one loves me type of feeling, I'm on the defense... I feel like my world is imploding!!! I can't take a joke, I can't have a serious conversation, I'm a mess!!!

I have thought long and hard as to why I'm feeling this way... Rewind a few days back. Sure I ran out of my anti-depressant pills for a few days... I called to refill them and forgot to pick them up... Is that why I'm losing control?? Over a pill??? If you know me you know I'm a huge believer in "happy pills" they make life a little easier to tolerate. But not taking them for a couple days shouldn't make a huge difference, or does it???

Rewind to Saturday, What a great day... Got dressed up in an adult costume, was on my way out to have a great time at a party. Felt good, felt pretty, hell I felt down right sexy that night!!! and thats different for me...

I was going to attend a party with close friends, who I felt comfortable with, confident with, I felt like I could be my crazy self and they wouldn't mind... I could "check out" of reality for a bit, not care about the real world around me.. Good food, good people, SOME good conversation... All in all it was a good time!!!

And in a split second it wasn't so great... I don't know where or when the turning point began... All of a sudden it got real uncomfortable. Now I'm a communicator, I think I'm an easy person to talk to, I can talk to all walks of life, sober people, not so sober people. I was talking to a friend or so I think this person is my friend, not a close friend, we have been through alot, ups and downs, we don't see eye to eye on most things, but the caring feelings are there on my part. We were in an in depth conversation, about many different things; kids, work, life, school. A subject came up that we didn't agree on, I won't get into the details, just note that it was a subject we didn't agree on. I love a challenge, I love when two adults can discuss a subject that they both disagree on, put there feelings out there, view the pros and cons of it, DEBATE!!! there was no debating going on... I don't know where this came from, the persons heart or from the alcohol...This person not only disagreed with what I thought and said, they pretty much put me down, made me feel like I am a horrible person for the choice I made on this matter, even when I wasn't asking for an opinion. This person was rude and condescending. For that second in time it made me question my integrity, my mothering skills, my purpose.. I looked to others for visual comfort, to see if I took something the wrong way, I didn't, what was said was down right mean and uncalled for. The worst part, This person probably doesn't remember ever having this conversation because of alcohol... They don't remember and I'll never forget... GREAT COMBINATION!!!!

I thought that was the worst part of the night, it wasn't, it went down hill, a train wreck that you didn't want to see but couldn't take your eyes off of it... This person had no right saying the comment that was said, I will NOT repeat it for it is way to inappropriate, childish, junior highish. It hurt, it dug deep, It was personal. It came from a person, not really my friend, a friend of a friend I guess you could say. I tried to shrug it off, not let it get to me, went on with my evening. Somewhere in the back of my mind it sat there and started smoldering, burning my brain so to speak. I held on.... Yet again, this person will not remember this comment was even said, but I will NEVER forget. You can't apologize and mean it if you don't remember saying it. I guess thats where it hurts, I could have lashed back at both of these people right then and there, but what good would that do when alcohol had taken over every part of their brain.

Things like this don't effect me they don't get me down, or they shouldn't atleast. My dad taught me, if you care what other people think of you, your better off not leaving the house. I do try to live by that. I guess when you keep so much inside it builds and your bound to explode... I EXPLODED all right. I broke down, cried, cried some more, tried to talk as I cried... pretty much blubbered... Nonetheless I appreciate the people I could blubber to.

I think I'm on the mend, I hope I'm on the up and up... I have been taking my "happy pills" for a few days now so I think they are starting to kick back in. I needed to vent, write my feelings down, make them "real", see them in front of me. Hopefully this has cleansed my heart, mind and soul. I am giving this to God, I don't want to hold the hurtful feelings anymore. I don't want to hurt anymore. I learned so much that night....

What I do know now is that I will never put myself out there, put my feelings on the line. I have learned to be smart, I will leave with the ones who know when to leave... EARLY... I have really great friends, we have a close group, we come from all walks of life... we all disagree on something, thats what I love about them....but alot of alcohol for some people can bring out the worst in them...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HANNAH / HALLOWEEN!!!

Happy Halloween to all. I hope everyone had a fun and SAFE Halloween. We had a great time.
Hannah had her 2nd birthday and we went trick or treating with family and friends. Jeremy and I also attended an "adult" Halloween Party, we went and Santa and Mrs. Clause. Here are some pictures that I wanted to share with all of you.

Love

Hannah really wasn't a princess batman, she was actually piglet. I didn't get a picture of her in her costume because she kept running from me. So I'm lucky I got these ones.

Emma was Belle from beauty and the beast.

Kayla was Cinderella

Brycen was batman.

Caiden was "The thing"

Kaleb was Robin

Austin was a Vampire

Alexis was a pumpkin baby

Lucas was a dead ninja

Lindsay was a butterfly

Sidney was a girl jedi

Emily was a pirate